Clarity has left the building...

We've had a good weekend. Billy has been much more upbeat, and he's not mentioned his disease or "diagnosis" at all. The clarity I saw last Sunday was not present today, and in fact, it has not been present all weekend.

Because of Billy's anxiety and perseverance regarding time, I don't tell him about upcoming events too far in advance. I thought he would enjoy a performance at the Texas Opry in Weatherford Saturday evening, and because it didn't start until 7:30, I felt we could go to church at 5:00, leave a little early and still get there in time. I did tell him about going to Weatherford before church, and all was well until we left church. I knew the straightest route would be clogged with traffic, so I went a different way than he was familiar with. That really gets him going when he doesn't know where we are going, and he doesn't recognize how I'm getting there. His questions and comments will not stop. Mostly, he feels that we are lost, and we will never arrive at our destination. This must be how he feels often....just sort of lost. I cannot imagine how it is to feel so out of control. We did make it in time for the performance, and he really enjoyed it until his worries began. Through a tiny crack in a curtain that was haphazardly hung, he noticed that the sky was darkening. This started his constant watch-watching, and he pointed out to me that it was 8:50. Then it was 8:52, 8:53, and you get the picture. At 9:00, I told him we were waiting until the performance was finished to leave. In these situations I use my "mom" tone, and he gets it.

His concern was based on us not being able to find our way home. Unfortunately, I did take a wrong turn along the way, and I had to stop and reset my gps. This only added to his anxiety, and that, added to my realization that he didn't have his 8:00 meds, gave me a certain urgency to GET HOME. We made it without any issue when I got on track, but he worried and worried.

Sunday was pretty smooth sailing, and we are currently experiencing Monday, the holiday. Billy is off schedule because we don't normally stay home on Monday. He took his shower at 4:00 this morning, and I did get him to come back to bed, but he struggled to understand that we didn't need to get up and get ready. His current focus is on getting our two trash cans back into the garage. The city provides us with two large bins - a black one for trash, and a blue one for recycle. Billy is quick to take the trash out for me, but he really gets confused on which can is which. I try to check the recycle can before trash day, so I can take out the items that shouldn't be there. We set out the cans on Sunday evening because pickup is Monday. He finally seems to have that down correctly. They have to be placed in a certain way and in a certain place because a mechanical arm picks up each can and dumps it into the trash truck. On Monday, three different trucks come by - trash truck, lawn clippings truck, and recycle truck.

Billy heard the trash truck before we ever got out of bed, so as soon as were up and dressed, he dashed outside to put the can back in the garage. He came back in to say, "They didn't dump the trash in the blue one." I explained again that the blue was recycle, and he should take it back out to the curb because that truck would come around soon. Oh. Back out he went and took the can back to the curb. Relaxing is not part of what Billy does, so he busied himself with sweeping the floor. He heard another truck coming, and he just couldn't wait to get out there and bring the can back into the garage. I was busy with something else, so I didn't follow him. In a few minutes he came back in to say that the trash guys had missed us again, and they didn't pick up the recycling. He had put that darn trash can back in the garage. I had seen the truck picking up across the street and knew they would swing back by our side, but Billy didn't understand that. I explained again that he needed to leave the blue can out by the curb until it got emptied, so back he went. He didn't come back for a few minutes, so I went out to check, and there he was down the street where he had stopped the truck (the grass clippings truck), and he was talking to the man in charge along with a neighbor, and they were trying to explain it all to him. I went on out, and the employee of the city came to me to explain. He was very kind, and I really appreciated his patience with Billy. The neighbor just stood there looking puzzled.

Our son in law arrived a bit later to mow our yard, and Billy is now following him around. I guess I should go rescue my son-in-law as I'm sure he's getting more help than he needs.

The good news is that we will go to my sister's for lunch with family today. He settles down pretty well over there, and he hangs out with my brother in law as much as possible. Billy is really looking forward to it.

So glad we have a holiday to rest and catch our breath! HA!